Update

The last few days have gone very well and I'm so thankful. There has been peace in our home and many happy times. Last weekend Zach had three days off and I prayed that things would be okay with us, because sometimes one day is hard enough to get through. We ended up having a lovely time and I was sad to see him go back to work.

I realized that every day off that he has needs to be covered in prayer. It is mostly not about him, but me. I want to have the right perspective and plenty of grace for him. The miracle that I am believing God for is probably at least 50% about refining me. Today I woke up to him throwing up from drinking too much last night. I cannot feel sorry for myself or become self-righteous, critical or disrespectful. That can be difficult! But I am learning over and over that it is not about whether he is right or not that defines what I do or say in response to him, it is about what my role is in this marriage. Do I believe God is capable, or that I need to do His job? Do I trust in Him? It all comes down to that. I would rather go up in flames believing in His goodness, but I need Him to help me daily with this!

Life

Life has been very difficult the past few days. Some of our absolute worst. The other night I came home from small group with the kids and Zach was high. That is pretty difficult for me. I had been sleeping in a separate room for two nights because I've been so hurt by him, and that night I couldn't sleep because he had a movie on. I honestly think a lot of my reaction came about as a result of sleep deprivation, but I felt extremely stuck and depressed when I came out of the room and saw he was even more high than he'd been earlier in the evening. I decided I couldn't take it and spent the night with Ava at my parents' house. I repeated that the next evening as well. I talked with both my parents and they were fully supportive of a separation, in light of all that has gone on and that little change has been made on Zach's end. In the interest of my safety they thought it may be best if I left for a time, since it was clearly depressing me.

By the second morning, after a good night of sleep, I knew very clearly what I was, and am, to do. I know without question that I am to stay with this man. I am to love him unconditionally and drop all expectations of him. To love me the way I want/need. To be sober. To not drink too much. To like me. To stay away from yucky influences. These things I have held on to. Well, no longer. This is going to be a very challenging, difficult, lonely road. But I am not alone. And, I am not my own. I died to myself when I chose to follow Jesus. It is His life that I live. Please pray for me!

Tomorrow

The two of us go to our first session of biblical counseling tomorrow. I am on my guard against advice of the world and I sincerely hope this counselor counsels us according to God's word, as she says she does. I sure hope it goes well. Counseling of this sort is fun for no one. 

 

The Beginning

Hi all, my name is Kate and I am glad you're here! I'll start by saying that I am writing this blog as a standing witness to God's greatness. I believe He can turn my life into something beautiful for Himself. He is what matters.

I am married to a wonderful man named Zachary, and together we have four beautiful kids. Kelsey (8), Emma (5), Jeremiah (3) and Aibhlinn (Ava, 6 months). This blog is mostly about our family life and the work He is doing in our lives. Because I have four babies it will be a challenge to blog much; they need to be the priority. I'd love for you to follow along!